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Podcast
Love Makes Us Vulnerable
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Transcript
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Hi, I'm Dave DeWitt, and today I want to make a few comments on an idea I've heard a lot
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lately.
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The idea I've heard is that love makes us vulnerable.
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Here's an example.
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On July 1, 2019, Bud Brown, president and co-founder of Turnaround Pastors, wrote an
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article called Hurt by Those Who Are Close.
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Here's some of what he said, quote, It's those who are close to whom we have entrusted
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our hearts who devastate us with betrayal.
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The danger of betrayal is inherent in the nature of love.
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When we love others, we lower our defenses.
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We allow them in past our emotional barriers designed to protect our frail hearts.
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We trust them with our most vulnerable selves.
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When you're betrayed, you face a difficulty that's a painful choice.
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Either deal with the pain of betrayal and learn to trust again, or condemn yourself
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to a life of loneliness and hopeless anguish.
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Well, after I read that, I wrote down, wow, love sounds like a really bad idea.
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If loving somebody becomes vulnerable, I open myself to being betrayed, in which case
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I'm faced with two really tough options.
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Number one, deal with the pain of betrayal and learn to trust again, or number two, condemn
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myself to a life of loneliness and hopeless anguish.
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Well, the first option sounds better, and that's the point of Mr. Brown's article, I
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guess.
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When you're betrayed, you should deal with the pain of betrayal and learn to trust once
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again, although he doesn't tell us how to do that.
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But that means if I love someone, at best I face the possibility of dealing somehow
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with the pain and learning somehow to trust based on no assurance or even good evidence
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that I'll not be in the same place again.
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Sounds like love is a hazardous venture.
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Or there's another possibility.
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Maybe he has the wrong idea about love.
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There are several kinds of love mentioned in the Bible.
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There's at least romantic love, friendship love, and loyal love, but in every case the
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act of loving is always an act of giving.
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Therefore I suggest there is nothing in loving that makes us vulnerable.
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It's not love that makes us vulnerable.
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It's the desire to be loved that makes us vulnerable.
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Paul defined love this way, love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous.
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Love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly, does not seek its own,
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does not provoke, does not take into account a wrong sufferer, does not rejoice in unrighteousness
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but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures
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all things, from 1 Corinthians 13, 4 to 7.
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What part of being kind to someone and not jealous makes me vulnerable?
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What part of not bragging, not being arrogant, nor acting unbecomingly leads to a danger
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of betrayal?
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How does not being provoked and not taking into account a wrong sufferer affect my emotional
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barriers?
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How does rejoicing in the truth or faith and hope in the context of one who endures all
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things lower our defenses?
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More likely it's when I want the one I love to be kind to me, not jealous of me, not provoked
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by me, not take into account a wrong sufferer that they suffered for me.
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That's what makes me vulnerable.
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It's when I want affection, attention, appreciation that I become vulnerable.
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Real love is all about giving without expecting reciprocity.
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Expecting something in return is swapping, not giving.
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Love focuses on the better good of the one loved.
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Love is us obeying God's directive for relating to others, not wondering what I'm going to
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get out of it.
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Just look at what Jesus said about this, recorded in Luke 6, 31 to 35.
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To treat others the same way you want them to treat you.
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If you love those who love you, what credit is that for you?
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Even sinners love those who love them.
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If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you?
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Even the sinners do the same.
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If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you?
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Even sinners lend to the sinners in order to receive back from them the same amount.
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But love your enemies.
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Do good and lend, expecting nothing in return.
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And your reward will be great, and you'll be sins of the Most High.
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For he himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men.
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That was Luke 6, 31 to 35.
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How do we love our enemies?
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How do we love those who do evil to us?
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Jesus' answer is, give to them, expecting nothing good in return from your enemies.
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You love them defined by doing good to them, expecting your reward to be great from God.
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I've also made an observation, which those of you who've heard me before probably heard
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this before, but I'd like to pass it along.
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The greatest giver is the greatest leader in every situation.
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No matter what room you're in or what group you're in, the leader is always the greatest
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giver.
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It doesn't matter who has the official titles or the officers or the official positions.
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It'll soon be clear who's leading the group, the greatest giver.
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It might be the one giving the most money, but usually it becomes the one with the most
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knowledge or experience or wisdom about the focus of the group.
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Jesus is the head of the church because he's the greatest giver.
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The apostles led the church wherever they were located because they had the most to
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give and expected nothing in return this side of heaven.
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The reason for the almost magical secret of fellowship of the first century church is
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their love for one another, defined as giving without the expectation of reciprocity this
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side of heaven.
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Love looks for its return from God in heaven.
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That's why we can also love our enemies.
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My conclusion, I suggest we are only hurt by those who are close when we turn love into
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a desire to be loved.
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Well thanks for listening to this short podcast.
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My brief paper on the subject is available on our website relationalconcepts.org.
